Two Sides To Every Story! Hilarious

A bit of a spat has broken out between a young (brilliant) entrepreneur; James Watt, who along with his partner Martin Dickie co-founded BrewDog, a craft brewer based in Edinburgh and The Portman Group - a mighty and worthy organisation who spend their time ensuring alcohol is marketed responsibly in the UK.

The role of the Portman Group is to:

• Lead on best practice in alcohol social responsibility through the actions of member companies.
• Regulate the promotion and packaging of alcoholic drinks sold or marketed in the UK through our Code of Practice.
• Challenge and encourage the industry to market its products responsibly.

The group is a not-for-profit organisation funded by nine member companies who represent every sector of drinks production and collectively account for more than half the UK alcohol market.

However, young James, (a Law and Economics graduate before changing careers and becoming a brewery owner) issued a somewhat unusual and perhaps irreverent (some would say hilarious, but I couldn’t possible comment) response as follows;
"On behalf of BrewDog PLC and its 14,691 individual shareholders, I would like to issue a formal apology to the Portman Group for not giving a shit about today’s ruling. Indeed, we are sorry for never giving a shit about anything the Portman Group has to say, and treating all of its statements with callous indifference and nonchalance.

Unfortunately, the Portman Group is a gloomy gaggle of killjoy jobs-worths, funded by navel-gazing international drinks giants. Their raison d’être is to provide a diversion for the true evils of this industry, perpetrated by the gigantic faceless brands that pay their wages. Blinkered by this soulless mission, they treat beer drinkers like brain-dead zombies and vilify creativity and competition. Therefore, we have never given a second thought to any of the grubby newspeak they disseminate periodically.

While the Portman Group lives out its days deliberating whether a joke on a bottle of beer is responsible or irresponsible use of humour, at BrewDog we will just get on with brewing awesome beer and treating our customers like adults. I’m sure that makes Henry Ashworth cry a salty tear into his shatterproof tankard of Directors as he tries to enforce his futile and toothless little marketing code, but we couldn’t give a shit about that, either.

The Portman Group took objection to the phrase "rip it up down empty streets"? Mr Portman, you seem to like taking things literally. Can you please explain how something can be 'anti-social' if the streets are empty? Anti-social is defined as 'contrary to the laws and customs of society, in a way that causes annoyance and disapproval in others.' If the streets are empty, there are no 'others' to annoy".

I haven’t as yet seen any response from the Portman Group! Great Eh? Whose side are you on?


Martin Read CMBII
Managing Director of www.inn-dispensable.com Personal Licence Courses

Beer Vending Machine Installed In London Pub

And now we have it! The introduction in a London pub, of the first beer vending machine to be installed in the UK. No further need to even talk to the friendly, highly-trained, knowledgeable and interesting person behind the bar when getting your beverage. Instead, you can simply put your pound coins into a machine, return to a lonely corner of the pub and sip your vended ale, and not talk to anyone all before going home to eat a pre packed dinner from Tesco.

I’m all for innovation but surely this Japanese-inspired machine is not the way forward?

Apparently, in Japan these machines are hugely popular, and reputedly Japan has a 1 to 50 ratio of vending machines to humans - the highest ratio on the planet.

I rather like talking to the Governor in the pub; so not too sure it will lift off in the Cotswolds!


Martin Read CMBII
Managing Director of Inn-Dispensable Personal Licence Courses

Pubs Granted Longer Serving Hours During World Cup

I have long thought that responsible, adult people should be allowed to stay up as long as they like, preferably in a pub, before drinking their Ovaltine and hitting the sack. Well, now Her Majesty’s Home Office have agreed we can do so if we want to - well, only for the World Cup!

They, the Home Office, who are in charge of these things, originally pronounced that the World Cup was not an "occasion of national importance", and that pubs would not be allowed to stay open till 1.00 am (so that customers could watch England miss three penalties in a shoot-out). Rather, they thought that we should all be at home swigging ten pints of strong lager bought from the local supermarket, most of us watching in agony alone without the comfort of our mates to sob with, as the last missed penalty puts us out of the competition.

Then Halleluiah, 'call me Dave' listened to the outcry from the trade and got involved, telling the Home Office to reconsider, and what do you know; reconsider they did! Their new pronouncement is that the World Cup has become and therefore now IS "an occasion of national significance" and pubs (if they want to) can stay open and serve alcohol for four hours after an 8.00pm kick off, until 1.00 am at the latest (not quite sure what happens if there is 20 minutes plus extra time in the match, guess we will have to leave the pub and find out the result in the newspaper at breakfast).

Luckily, I shall be in Spain on holiday during the first England match and so I shall find a bar, and I bet I shall not need to ask Pedro the owner if I can stay till the match finishes (I’ll let you know). I also imagine that Spanish fans will not need to ask if they are allowed to stay in their local bar when Spain plays no matter what time it finishes? This probably also applies in the other nations taking part.

Bridget Simmonds, British Beer and Pub Association CEO said "It’s really great news, which will put pubs at the heart of a great national event, I am pleased that HMG have listened and made sure that COMMON SENSE prevails. Thank you to the hundreds in the pub trade who made their views clear to the government". And so say all of us!


Martin Read CMBII
Managing Director of www.inn-dispensable.com Personal Licence Courses

A Brilliant Village Shop Innovation

Say what you like about the Brit’s, they never stop innovating; once one age-old industry/facility dies, along comes a solution to replace it.

A pub in Derbyshire has installed a terrific vending machine to replace the small village shop that closed after about 100 years of trading. The machine stocks around 80 essential products ranging from milk to eggs, toilet rolls, tea, and cereals and so on.

Congratulations to Peter Fox, MD of Village Vending who has created the vending machine and now plans to roll them out in village pubs across the UK.

This seems to me to be a solution for those pubs that are not able physically to create a shop within their premises (as initiated by the brilliant 'Pub is the Hub' team) or is unable to staff such a shop. Plus, it's sure to bring new customers, profit, a meeting place and village cohesion?


Martin Read CMBII
Managing Director of Inn-dispensable Personal Licence Courses